The biggest question asked by most clients in divorce is “Why”? Why did this happen? Why did he/she do this to me? Why do I have to go through this? Why now? Why does he/she hate me?
“Why” is the most common question asked and it generates the most damaging affects — and yet with the devastating consequences of “Why”, this question is still generally pointless.
What is the purpose of asking “Why”? Why questions are those that demand an answer, which generally have no answer. All it creates is defensiveness on both sides — and at the end of the day, who ends up answering this question? You do!
You end up feeling more anguish and more lost, empty and angry than before.
I do want to point out that allowing yourself to feel these feelings is not a bad thing. When you’re hurting it’s okay to hit bottom emotionally (not with drugs, alcohol or other physically damaging mediums) but when you allow yourself to feel everything, you can start recovering vs. just hiding the pain. Asking why hinders this process and takes the focus off what you’re feeling and places blame on the other party. Taking time to hurt, cry and be mad is essential to healing, but asking “why” doesn’t help you move forward.